Tussle Inside

It doesn’t matter whether you are sitting silent (for Meditation) or doing your work, if there is tussle inside you will be feeling an ice-mound somewhere in your chest, or just in the centre of belly, sometimes it comes up to the neck or at throat. It is, as I sometimes feel like a lump of fear. An exotic fear. It makes me feel like going to the washroom, or hover around aimlessly. Feel like nausea, heart jumps, no interest in food or anything whatever. It seems like there is end nearer. Not funny, seriously. It is not because of hypertension but tussle in mind. When there is tussle inside, it creates a fear of loss. You may lose or may not, but aplomb of the fear strongly haunts you from inside you. Even you may not know what you will lose, the fear is there. The fear, sometimes seemingly starts jumping one place to another inside you, chills your heart, makes you sick from heart, loose motion etc., and may fall you to bed. This Root of Depression (may be this is the root of depression, but I exactly don’t know) is inside. The shadow of fear inhabited inside inhibits you.That’s the Mirage, actually not in existence. This is my experience, and to overcome the shadow – Yoga and Meditation have helped me out a lot. The shadow of fear sometimes may be activated, but there must be regularity in Yoga and Meditation Practice.   (I Have Double Mind)

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